i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
