We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize