shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In America we eat man semen.
so let's talk penis.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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