I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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