I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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