And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize