Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
