It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
