She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
