so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
