My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
