we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
