I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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