Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
