im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
