so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize