my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
