Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
