yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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