Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
