It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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