she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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