plz talk dirty to me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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