I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
