I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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