You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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