I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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