dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize