Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
