census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
