i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
