and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
