Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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