This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
