It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am mentally ready for anal.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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