Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
