Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize