you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
