Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
