i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
