Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
