I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
