At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
