remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
