He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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