he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
