Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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