i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
