You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
