dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
