You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
