I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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