We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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