Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
