Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
