I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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