i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
