You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
