Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
