Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
