Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
