sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
