You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
