Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
