ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
