Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
