Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
