Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
