Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
