can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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