You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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